Extroverting my way to a new personality
I thought I was an introvert. Then I took an online personality test.
When I was in high school, no one called themselves an extrovert or an introvert. The closest anyone got to an identity label tied to their personality was “emo.” Later, in my mid-twenties, the most-used identity label was “hipster”, but that wasn’t a compliment.
The first inkling that I might be an introvert came in my late 20s, when I had a roommate who often referred to herself as one and saw it as a core part of her identity. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her introversion was probably more an extension of her clinical depression than anything else. Also, winters in Chicago require a level of self-hibernation and isolation that even the most introverted person struggles with their mental health.
Joining the cult of personality tests
I didn’t take the Myers-Briggs test until I was 30, prompted by the then-proliferation of people putting them in their bios on dating apps. I didn’t know what it meant to be an ENFP or a Hufflepuff, I just knew that any guy who listed “whiskey” as a hobby in his OKCupid profile was not my one true love.
When I first took the famed personality test, the results showed that I was an INFJ. INFJs are known to be quiet, intuitive, imaginative people, with a “deep inner world”. They often feel like they are misunderstood or don’t fit in. It’s not uncommon for INFJs to pursue creative careers. As a writer, I thought the INFJ identity fit me to a T. According to 16Personalities.com, “For people with this personality type, the opportunity to tell stories for a living can be nothing short of a dream come true.”
How does Myers-Briggs know my innermost thoughts? I wondered.
Sorry I didn’t come to the party. I was too busy being an INFJ.
I carried around this introverted, misunderstood identity for years. I even followed a few Instagram accounts devoted to illustrating just how rare us INFJ–ers were. I often felt the need to recharge with alone time after hanging out with extroverts or a large group of people. At parties, I was most comfortable talking one-on-one with someone in a corner of the room. Networking events caused a mini-panic attack. My favorite activity was reading a book at home, free to be in my own inner, imaginative world.
Coming out of my non-introverted shell
Then something shifted. Maybe it was just that, after living in sunny Los Angeles for a few years following the dark Chicago winters, my seasonal depression finally lifted. I told a coworker that I was an introvert and they laughed in my face.
Was I… becoming…an extrovert? I wondered. Had I been one this entire time??
About a month ago, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test again. Turns out, I am not an INFJ. I am not a misunderstood, creative genius who just wants to live in her own inner world. I’m an ENFP: someone who is social, outgoing, creative and embodying a “vibrant energy”.
The discovery that I am, in fact, an extrovert (technically 60% extrovert, 40% introvert, according to the test) made me re-evaluate my entire life up to this point. Maybe I was just as chatty and boisterous as everyone in my family. However, being the youngest of four, I was never able to get a word in at the dinner table or have anyone in my family listen to me EVER, which made me retreat into the imaginary worlds of books. All those lame parties I went to in L.A., wherein I wanted to hide in a corner, was not an indication of introversion. It was more a sign that I didn’t belong there—the land of narcissists and fake smiles and pretending to act really interested when someone tells you about their screenplay idea.
Identifying as a late-in-life extrovert
Now that I do standup comedy and just published a book, I’m extroverting like my creative life depends on it. The 40% of me that is an introvert would like to hide behind my laptop and not have to hawk my new novel like I’m a door-to-door saleslady (get your funny, summer beach reads here! all for the low-low price of $9.99 on Kindle!! read the book that critics are calling “sweet and absolutely hilarious”!!!).
Most writers I know see themselves as introverts. I did too, until an online personality test told me otherwise. I’m now convinced that no one should over-identify with any identity until they’re at least 35. The Myers-Briggs questionnaire asks things like “do you enjoy working with others?”. In your 20s, when you’re working a low-paying service job with people who remind you of everyone you disliked in high school, the answer is a resounding “no.”
But when you get a little older, have some life experience under your belt, and no longer have to endure bad parties in L.A., you might discover that, actually, you do like being around people. You enjoy being social, about 60% of the time.
The Myers-Briggs website claims that ”ENFPs will spend a lot of time exploring different relationships, feelings, and ideas before they find a path for their life that feels right.”
Maybe I, an ENFP, had to explore introversion before finding that extroversion just felt right.
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